Author: Deb Foster

A Mother’s Heart: Rejoice, Grieve, Believe

~ Deb Foster ~ 8 Comments

“Her children rise up and call her blessed…”  Proverbs 31:28

“Whenever I held my newborn baby in my arms, I used to think that what I said and did to him could have an influence not only on him but on all whom he met, not only for a day or a month or a year, but for all eternity — a very challenging and exciting thought for a mother.”  Rose Kennedy

Mother. What a complex picture that short two syllable word is able to paint. Both a noun and a verb, it’s a longing, a calling, a privilege, an honor, a blessing, a duty, and a lifelong walking out and responsibility. It is able to create myriad emotions in both the speaker and the hearer of the word.

Happy Mother’s Day!   img_9635

Several months ago, a precious friend of mine shared a tender, heartfelt message she had written. Whether simply an emotional outlet or a deeper, more complex expression of her grief, it immediately flooded me with so many conflicting emotions as I read it. I have her permission to share it. Meg lost her mom at an early age to a devastating battle with Alzheimer’s disease. On what would have been her mother’s 64th birthday, she wrote these pained yet poignant words:

“Some days I just can’t encapsulate my emotions in words. I just love her. I miss her. I want her back. I still have questions. She needs to teach me more stuff. I don’t feel equipped to be a mom without being able to call her and talk through it. I need her. I know…I am selfish. She’s whole and happy and fulfilled…I sure do miss her. Today hurts.”   (Meg Luttrell)

My heart hurt for her. I couldn’t begin to explain the burden and the heaviness that washed over me when I first read that. Even now, I expect the responses are as varied and personal as the number of eyes reading these words. Although very painful, what a tremendous tribute! What a beautiful picture of love, motherhood, and relationship Meg penned from the depths of her loss and hurt: a relationship that embodied love and need and nurture as God must have intended it; even though the time was limited, cut short by sickness and human frailty.

If you are a mother, you’re probably accustomed to wearing many hats: cook, coach, img_9638teacher, nurse, chauffeur, counselor, confidante, role-model, and so many others. Maybe you’ve never thought of yourself as being like the apostle Paul: a missionary to teach the gospel and share the love of Christ and to equip the saints, no matter how small the saints may be. 🙂 Then again, maybe you have, and it seems overwhelming at times. It’s a high and holy calling. It really is a privilege. Some days, in the busyness of life, you wonder if you make a difference. Does all this really matter?  The lists, laundry, the wiping, the cleaning, the carpooling, the waiting, the repeating… It all matters.

Love, miss, want, teach, equip… Those were a few of the words Meg used. Perhaps your mother modeled that well and did effectively love, teach, and equip you with all the tools and abilities to love and learn and do and receive. Maybe she was beautifully representative of Jesus and you have been gifted with the faith and capacity to love God, others, and yourself and to see beauty and value in life and relationships. If so, rejoice! Be thankful. Know that you were loved and blessed. Even if she is no longer with you and you feel the pain of loss, her fingerprints still show on all you touch and teach and love.

But… we live in a fallen world and have strayed so far away from God’s original design. Maybe your mother didn’t or wasn’t able to love, to teach, or to effectively equip you to love, relate, and receive well. Maybe there is pain caused by sin, separation, poor choices..intentional or unintentional. It still hurts. Maybe, like Paul, there is a thorn of hurt that has wedged itself into your side and you still wince and feel the pain of emotional or physical injury..or lack and loss.  If so, grieve.  Just as we grieve the loss of love, support, and companionship through death, we may need to grieve the lack, as well as the loss. When God said He would be father to the fatherless, many are quick to embrace it. Do we limit him? Can he not be like a mother to the motherless? What about Zeph 3:17 when He rejoices over you with singing? Like a lullaby? Nurturing? Comforting?  Consider the encouraging words of the prophet Isaiah in Isaiah 61:

“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.”

From grief, mourning, and despair to comfort, joy, and restoration.

IMG_5902Rejoice in your great blessings. Grieve the losses and allow God to heal and restore, then believe. Believe, not only that the body of Christ is perfectly equipped to step in and provide for your needs, but that you are also part of that body and you are called to be his hands, his feet, his heart. Believe that God has a purpose in the pain of losing, the pain of not having, or the strain of imperfect, contentious relationships. Not that He authored the loss or the struggle, but that He sees and is able to create beauty from the ashes of a fallen world. Believe that you have been crafted and gifted with a mother’s heart. If you have children, you have experienced it first-hand. If you don’t have children, consider your other relationships. Have you ever had a shoulder to cry on? Been a shoulder to cry on? Had another woman ask for advice, need direction, just want a cup of coffee and a few words of wisdom or encouragement? Prayed for a friend? Been concerned for a friend’s well-being? Just sat quietly, no words needed, and been present? That is a mother’s heart and you have been gifted. Believe that you are that vessel, that tool, nick-fewings-ka7REB1AJl4-unsplashthat platform, that word of encouragement, bit of sustaining manna, drink of water, or light in the darkness that God will use to bring light, life, and hope to someone else.

Thank you, Meg, for sharing your hurt and your heart. Even in that, your mother’s legacy continues. ❤

Words are important. The work of your hands and your heart is important and leaves an indelible imprint on the lives of others. I encourage you to consider your work, consider your words, consider your sphere of influence. Consider that the Spirit of the sovereign Lord is upon you and He has anointed you to proclaim the good news, to assist the brokenhearted, to provide light and relief, and to comfort. You will be called oaks of righteousness and a planting of the Lord. Believe it. What’s the quirky old cliché: Bloom where you’re planted.    plant

                   *Happy Mother’s Day*

Have Courage and Be Kind

~ Deb Foster ~ 1 Comment

There really is nothing new under the sun.

“What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.”  Ecc 1:9

I recently saw the gospel message presented with peasants, princesses, and pumpkins. It was a timeless message and was as clear as glass…a glass slipper. Disney-Cinderella-Shoes-964x644Well..maybe it wasn’t exactly the gospel message. There was no cross, no eloquent evangelist, and no one with John 3:16 painted on a sign, but it was still good news and it echoed words that have been spoken through scripture for thousands of years.

It is quite possible that I was one of the most excited people on the planet when the trailer for the live action Cinderella was first released. Many years ago, it was my daughter’s favorite movie and the old VHS tape became threadbare and worn from all the rewindings and rewatchings. What a blessing that we were able to see it together on her twentieth birthday! While there were distinct differences from the original, the message remained loud and redemptive: Have courage. Be kind. Forgive.

The good news of the gospel can be found in the strangest of places: in everyday life, the ordinary and mundane, and in the extremes of heartbreaking tragedy and breathtaking triumph. Yes, the gospel message can even resonate in a classic fairy tale brought to life in vivid technicolor on a larger than life screen. Would young Ella’s story have looked different without her mother’s instructions to “have courage and be kind”?  Is it true that some form of “fear not” or “do not be afraid” is found in scripture exactly 365 times? Maybe not, but there are many other ways we are assured of rest, security, and peace, without reiterating those specific words. Multiple times in the Old Testament we see: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged.”

What would our stories look like if we followed that directive? Fear not. Be strong and courageous. What if we remembered “I am with you”? Would it be easier to complete the remainder of the headline “Be kind”? How about “Be gentle, be self-controlled, be patient, be at peace, be humble, or be lacking in nothing”?

The world often portrays characteristics like humility and meekness as weak rather than strong, courageous, or desirable; but it takes strength to be kind, strength to be humble, strength to forgive. Most viewers are familiar with the simple storyline of Cinderella: good vs evil, love triumphing over hate, persistence in doing the right thing…  This particular version seasoned the ending a little differently. After her princely pursuit and release from captivity, as she is led to freedom, Cinderella offers her bully, her tormentor, words of freedom and grace. Spoken from a place of inner strength and kindness, no hint of bitterness, resentment, or intent to retaliate, she spoke the three kindest, most courageous works spoken during the entire film:

                                           “I forgive you.”

When people have been unkind, have put us in a place of pain or fear, or have just been downright cruel, are we able to stand in courage, walk in love and kindness, and boldly proclaim “I forgive you”?

It is ultimately a choice to have courage. A choice to be afraid. A choice to be kind. A choice to be unkind. A choice to forgive. Choosing the right path isn’t always easy, but it is always liberating. Have courage. Be kind. Forgive.

 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”   1Cor 13:4-7

When Heroes Fail

~ Deb Foster ~ Leave a comment

We’ve all had them: people in our lives who seemed bigger than life, infallible, on a pedestal, almost perfect. Maybe we looked up to them, wanted to be like them, modeled our speech, our walk, our dress, or our very lives after them: A mother, a father, a pastor, a mentor, a friend, an athlete, a celebrity. Who have you tried to emulate? It isn’t always a bad thing. We learn from example, pattern, and repetition; but, being needy, imperfect people, sometimes we step outside the design of simple instruction. Sometimes we find ourselves in search of, and overly dependent on, a person, a potion, or a possession to satisfy an inner craving or fill an empty void. What happens when we make our “heroes” too big, too perfect, or too infallible…and then they fail? At least.. they fail and are not perfect by our standards? By our expectations? For our needs?brokenchurch

When I was a baby Christian, I attended a small, rather legalistic church. Looking back, it was a God-given provision, much needed at that particular time in my life: rigid rules and stringent boundaries. But I found myself very dependent on the pastor. If he believed it, it must be right because he was amazing. He was my hero. I had no real belief system- no roots, no free thinking, no discernment. Of course, I was only seventeen. Do many seventeen year olds actually think?  🙂

The world says “The bigger they are the harder they fall.”
Proverbs 16:18 says  “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”
He fell hard. But this isn’t really about his fall. It’s about me putting him where he didn’t belong. Maybe this is more like it:
 
 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”  Rom 3:23
So many injured souls who may have once been someone’s hero: The pastor caught in adultery? The raging, angry parent? The stubborn, unreasonable friend? The withdrawn, inattentive spouse? The wayward, prodigal child? The heartless abuser? The hopeless addict? The treacherous deceiver? The embittered, unforgiving soul? How many do you know? How many have you been?
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”  Rom 8:1

This is not meant to accuse, to judge, or to cast stones. This is an opportunity to take inventory and test our visual acuity. There is only one infallible model. One example. One path. One place to fix our eyes.

For King And Country has a song titled “Fix My Eyes.”
Hit rewind, click delete
Stand face to face with the younger me
All of the mistakes
All of the heartbreak
Here’s what I’d do differently, I’d Love like I’m not scared
Give when it’s not fair
Live life for another
Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom
Find faith in the battle
Stand tall but above it all
Fix my eyes on You
We are broken, needy people who often look for answers or fulfillment in the wrong places or in people who are also broken and unable to meet our expectations, fulfill our deepest longings, and touch our empty places deep inside. There will be inevitable hurt, confusion, and disappointment. We may blame others, ourselves, or God as we hide beneath the weight of all the hurt, unmet needs, accusations, and expectations. We may continue to struggle with distorted relationships and hindered spiritual growth. Even knowing this and having walked through it in the past, I still sometimes find myself looking at people, especially mature Christians, and expecting a certain performance or perfection. Not only is it impossible, but it isn’t biblical and it isn’t in their job description or on their Christian to-do list! Expecting fulfillment or perfect performance from others only creates disillusionment and hurts relationships. It doesn’t speak negatively about them, it just reinforces my continued need for growth, maturity, and change of expectation.
Maybe this week, I’ve been someone’s failed “hero” in need of correction or, even better, mercy. Yes, I’ve said things I didn’t mean and I even lost my temper in traffic while my teenager was in the car. Maybe I was a little less patient at work. Maybe I even rolled my eyes a few times. But there is grace. There is mercy. From everyone who has been given much, much will be required. I have fallen, have failed, and will fail again. But I find solace in this:
“He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”  Micah 6:8

Hello world!

~ Deb Foster ~ Leave a comment

Well…I’m not an official blogger but sometimes I feel the need to speak or write very much like the disciples cheered and praised aloud, for if they had kept quiet, the stones would have cried out. (Luke 19) Not to compare myself to a disciple or to Jesus, just to state that I seem to sense an urgency to speak or write at times. Maybe it’s just an outlet, a personal learning tool, or self-expression. Maybe sometimes we all just have a need to be heard. (More on that in a later post.)

As for the name “Mysteriesofgrace…”  Sounds mysterious. 🙂  There are so many references to mysteries and revelations in scripture. My two primary influences came from Matthew 13 where Jesus explained to his disciples why he taught in parables and from multiple conversations in the book of Job. If you ask my kids, they may also confess that the name may have a loose connection with a particular episode of SpongeBob where he was deciding on a name for his seahorse and the conversation went something like “Mystery…Grace…Majesty…Debbie.”

The “Hello world” greeting may be a bit of an exaggeration. Maybe “hello computer and a few scattered friends” may be more appropriate. At any rate, let’s get started…