mental health

New Year’s Revolution

~ Deb Foster ~ Leave a comment

It’s 2021! Happy New Year! At the start of every new year, millions of people make plans to change something during the upcoming year. Read more, exercise more, lose weight, eat better, travel, save money, and on and on. They call them resolutions. But read that title again. We’re talking about creating a New Year’s revolution! Resolutions plan…but revolutions do.

2020 was a year unlike any other that most of us have ever experienced. We found ourselves confronted with a global pandemic, massive shutdowns, social and political upheaval, media frenzy and bias, isolation, mental health crisis, uncertainty, and for many, a year of great loss: jobs, financial security, social interaction, death of friends and loved ones. If it taught us anything, I would say that it showed us that we are not really in control of our lives and circumstances as much as we had once thought.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us we were all going direct to heaven we were all going the other way-in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil…

Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

Think back for a moment on 2020, but not with the typical eye roll and fatalist semi-humor of it being the worst year ever. Instead…find one good thing. One positive outcome or lesson. One new discovery. One very good memory. I promise it’s there. It may be obvious and come to mind right away. Or it may be so subtle and so slowly learned and still evolving that it may take some time to quietly reflect and realize. You may not even know its full impact in this season, but you will someday. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…

The quotation above is the opening paragraph of a literary classic about the French Revolution, A Tale of Two Cities. I’m not trying to make a political statement, nor am I suggesting that we try to overthrow the government and create a 2021 American Revolution. But I do propose that we rise up and demand change. We create change. We become the change.

According to Merriam Webster:

revolution , noun

–a sudden, radical, or complete change

-a fundamental change in the way of thinking about or visualizing something

Sudden, radical, and complete aren’t always easy, but a basic, fundamental change sounds a little more do-able. But it requires an active choice to consider the ways we think about and visualize the beliefs, patterns, activities, and interactions in our lives. Last year I suggested we look ahead and discover 10 things to leave behind and 10 things to embrace in the upcoming year of 2020. We could probably revisit and redo, but for now, looking back…

https://mysteriesofgrace.blog/2020/01/01/2020-seeing-clearly/

Think about and visualize: What made 2020 so hard for you?

Lack of control? Isolation or loneliness? All the unknowns? Fear? Loss? Then let’s evaluate: What are our expectations and how do we create them? Where do we get our information and answers? In what do we place our trust? Do we expect the government to do what’s right and best for us? Friends and family? Do we trust in nature, fate, karma, or whatever? Do we hope and trust at all? No shame, no judgment, no condemnation. But pause to consider: Does life just happen? Is there really a God in heaven who knows us and sees us and has a bigger plan and purpose? Even if in doubt, I encourage you to pause, look back, and find evidence of God’s involvement in your circumstances. Look for his goodness and faithfulness to you this year. Last year, twenty years ago… Like the cliché says: hind sight is 2020. Choose to see.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. -Psalm20:7

Then start a revolution! A fundamental change in the way of thinking about or visualizing something in your life and situation. Rise up and actively seek faith, answers, encouragement, and options. Engage others in person or virtually. Ask hard questions and seek real solutions. Throw off chains of doubt, fear, suspicion, apathy, and discouragement. Look back with mercy and compassion. Look forward with optimism and expectation. Want the change, seek the change, be the change.

The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one’s ‘own,’ or ‘real’ life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one’s real life — the life God is sending one day by day

C.S. Lewis

My daughter bought me a beautiful, personalized planner for 2020. I pulled it out this morning and flipped through it. It is sparsely written in. Most of my plans in 2020 centered around going to work and coming home. No need to write that down. No exciting vacations or worldwide travel plans. But as I flipped through it today, I was encouraged by page after page of motivational words, thoughts, and stickers. And seeing more blank pages ahead actually motivated me. Blank pages are open spaces and opportunities. Maybe this has been a season of a different type of quiet stillness, sheltering, and preparing. For what? Maybe realization and revolution.

Have enough COURAGE to start and enough HEART to finish.

I’m going to suggest 3 tools, or weapons, in our arsenal that may enable us to rise up and start a healthy, life-changing revolution:

1. Perspective – how and what we choose to see. 2020 was a great year for my dog, Maggie. She struggles with a canine anxiety disorder and I spent much more time at home this year, not taking a vacation and not taking her away from the comforts of home and family. We had fewer visitors to disrupt her ideas of the security and comfort of home. Her perspective is that 2020 was the best year ever! Can you name at least one gain or strength you acquired through all the changes and slowing down of 2020? Have you read more? Been outside more? Spent more time with your immediate family? Maybe you miss your family and friends and now realize what gifts a hug, an unmasked smile, and an intimate cup of coffee face-to-face really were. Perspective. Maybe it has changed how you plan on living next year…

2. Directive – a goal, a plan, a desired outcome, and a carefully thought out way to get there. Battles are never won accidentally. They require strategy, bold commands, and faithful warriors engaged side by side in the battle. When you see clearly and accurately the path toward where you need to go, it makes the journey more productive, less stressful, and makes you more likely to arrive at the actual destination or goal.

But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Paul, Philippians 3:13-14

What is your one thing? One thing to leave behind or one thing to pick up and press on?

3. Elective – what we choose to do. We can see and know what needs to be done, where we want to be, and what we would like to happen. We can even develop a plan of what the journey to change should look like. But then we must elect…we must choose, to follow through. To do it. Nike had it one-third right: Just do it. Just choose. Just start. Just get it done. Decide what “it” is that you want to accomplish or overcome. The change you want to make, the goal you want to meet. Define it and see it clearly. Then choose wisely. Just do it. 🙂 That doesn’t mean it’s a simple task. But seeing, planning, and then starting kindles the fires of revolution. The term revolution is neither peaceful nor passive. It suggests a fight or taking something by force, by determination, by strength and unity of purpose.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Lao Tzu

Be motivated and press on. Not simply as a New Year’s resolution…but a New Year’s revolution. As a rising up to overturn old patterns and oppressive ways…to overthrow darkness, doubt, depression, discouragement, fear, confusion, and anything else that would seek to defeat you or draw you away from achieving your goals, away from healthy relationships, and from personal growth. Let this be the year we desire and implement a fundamental change in the ways we think about and engage in the awareness and building up of our mental, spiritual, and physical health. Gather your army, build your arsenal, and start your own revolution!

Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. -Hebrews 12:1

It’s a new day, a new month, a new year. It’s like my calendar: 365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months, blank pages, empty to-do lists, spaces to fill with plans, purposes, ideas, hopes, and dreams. Bible studies, coffee dates, and trips to the mountains. Good things are coming. Keep believing. Happy New Year!

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. -Isaiah 43:19

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,  to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. -Ephesians 3:20-21

Rainy Days and Wednesdays…

~ Deb Foster ~ 1 Comment

Today is Wednesday and it’s raining. Sitting on the covered back porchimg_9198 watching the rain and hearing the distant thunder, I found myself humming a familiar old pop song from the 70s: hummm, hummm hummm… rainy days and Mondays always get me down…

Although I was fully present, watching the birds splash around in the birdbath and then search for worms in the freshly wet soil, I was magically two places at the same time: my safe, dry, covered porch and the tumultuous stormy time when rainy days were not so safe and peaceful.

I had recently been scrolling through Instagram and found a post that had the old Carpenters song Rainy Days and Mondays embedded in her story. Maybe that’s why it was fresh in my mind. Smooth and melodic, it flowed beautifully from an angelic voice but a troubled heart and mind. It was my “go to” song back in college whenever I needed a good cry. Today I pulled it up on my phone and let the old melodies and memories wash over me like the rumble of the distant thunder and the cleansing of the pouring rain.

Then I came to a subtle, yet stunning, revelation: the song wasn’t making me sad as I listened to it today. Was it because it was a Wednesday and it changed the whole song context? Or was there a deeper work and awareness of a long ago place that had quietly, almost imperceivably, healed?

It made me realize and appreciate that I’m in a very different place now.

It also made me reflect on mental health…the reality, crisis, the concerns, the misunderstandings, and all the unknowns. Sadness, depression, anxiety, and all the diagnoses that get placed on troubled hearts, disturbed spirits, and confused minds.

img_9200It also reminded me of beautiful, young, troubled Karen Carpenter and the life and breath and talent that literally wasted away in front of cameras and producers and specialists and fame and the eyes of all who heard, watched, and loved her. She is still my favorite.

I had never heard of anorexia before Karen. Millions hadn’t. How might things have ended differently with an earlier diagnosis? Quicker, more specific intervention, more education, more counsel, the right medicine…? I have no answers. I understand they did the best the could with the information and resources they had at the time. Sometimes that’s all we can do. Where the brain, spirit, heart, and hurt collide is a pool too deep for most to navigate with clear understanding.

Then I ask myself the same questions…for myself, my friends, my family, people I see at work: How might life be different with the right intervention, the right friend, the right diagnosis, the right chemical balance, the right word at the right time, the right removal of the cloud that follows our minds and confuses our hearts and our thinking?

img_9160My first encounter with suicide was in high school. My friend wasn’t at the bus stop one morning and I just assumed he had slept in. No…he had put a gun to his chest and pulled the trigger. Gone. In a moment, I knew he was troubled. He was angry. He smoked too much and drank too much. I didn’t know at the time that he was medicating hurt and confusion. Years later my cousin did the exact thing. He was my favorite but I never told him. Maybe I should have. Questions without answers. Should I have? What if? Why?

I suspect that we have all been in dark cloudy places of varying degrees…just “hanging around, nothing to do but frown…”  Not to minimize serious mental illness…I have seen it destroy minds and lives and dreams and families. Just to say that some feelings and experiences are universal. Sadness is universal and timeless. Anger is something we all experience. Discouragement weighs heavy in many seasons. Fear, confusion, comparison, self-defeat. Too many to name. I have wept. Jesus wept. I suspect you have wept too.

But out of angst, sadness, and near-defeat often come life-changing strength, encouragement, and inspiration. Some of the best poetry, songs, plays, stories, art, ministries, and outreaches have been birthed out of soulful desperation and darkness. And have also created platforms for awareness, for help, for hope.

Tell the story of the mountain you climbed. Your words could become a page in someone else’s survival guide.  – Morgan Harper Nichols

But there is no black and white. No magic formula that works in every season and situation. We can’t say to an anorexic, just eat. To the bulimic, just stop it. To someone depressed, just snap out of it. To someone in a bipolar rage, just calm down. There are a myriad other ways we unintentionally downplay or say it inappropriately: just do it, img_9197don’t do it, cheer up, get over it, just have more faith, pray more, get more sunshine….

Is there an answer? A cure? Hope? I don’t pretend to have all the answers. Mental and emotional health are complex. Relationships are complex and are often at the root of serious wounding.

But where we are wounded is often where we are healed, how we are healed, and how we eventually are able to offer help to another. For myself, it was a long hard journey. It continues to be a journey. But healing has been found in safe, healthy relationships and through seeking and believing the truth of the Word of God.

The world is seeking to know and be known. img_9161To have purpose and meaning. To belong. To be seen and heard.

“Nothing is really wrong…feeling like I don’t belong…” I’m not sure I really believe that line. I believe there is always something to be heard in that feeling. Something really is wrong. That sadness, that emptiness, that anger, that frustration, that _____. You fill in the blank. It is just sometimes so very hard to identify. To name. But it’s so important to attempt to name it. It says that it matters. It hurt. Is it sadness, anger, unmet need, unresolved grief, unrealized expectation or dream? It often takes two or more to look and see and pray and hope. It is so easy to lose heart when the battle rages from within and without. Jesus told us that in this world we would have trouble…but He also encouraged us to take heart, believing He has overcome. Take heart. ❤

If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.  -C.S. Lewis

Sozo is a Greek work translated many ways: safe, sound, healed, delivered, set free. I believe there is healing to be found: through faith, through time, through relationships, through counseling, through medications, through seeking truth.  I believe there is a God who creates and knows all the intricacies of his creation. Body. mind, and spirit. I believe He can heal completely. In this world or the next. But in the present, He can also use every pain and affliction for our and others’ ultimate good and his glory. He used Jacob’s limp, Joseph’s bondage, Moses’ lisp, Naaman’s leprosy, David’s adultery, the blind man’s blindness, the lame’s affliction, the demoniac’s possession, Peter’s denial, and so many more. He can use our darkness, depression, and what every affliction we find ourselves bearing. In due time and in the right season and situation. But for now we can offer hope and love. And we can strive to learn and reach out and hold close and hang on to those we love and value.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor 13:13

img_9212Nowadays I love the rain. Love a good IMG_7255thunderstorm. I still get down sometimes. Sad, angry, frustrated, confused. We are fearfully and wonderfully made to experience a full realm and range of emotions and reactions. But it’s never as dark and lonely as it used to be. Now there is hope, I pray you hold onto hope as well.